ACKERMAN, eli daniel

[quinn]

ELIJAH DANIEL ACKERMAN
SEVENTEEN | HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR | NICOLAS BEMBERG

putting together a profile on the new kid, huh? well, i like long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, quaint local coffee shops... nah, we'll save that for later. well, if you have to ask, my name is elijah daniel ackerman. i have no idea where the daniel came from, but my dad is the first elijah ackerman. to my grandparents' dismay, my mom wanted to make me his namesake. they obviously weren't able to change much. p.s. don't ever call me elijah. i feel that it's the worst name in the history of aliases. and i once had a friend who went by cheeseman. if you're so inclined to put a 'j' in someone's name, stick it at the beginning, don't put it in the middle. had i been able to talk as an infant, i would've informed my mom not to name me elijah. call me eli. what it means? elijah translates to 'my god is -insert some random hebrew god here-'. why exactly they named me elijah, or why my father was named elijah, is beyond me. my parents are not jewish (note: the 'j' at the beginning of the word.) no one in my family is jewish, they have not contemplated becoming jewish nor were they ever jewish... eli? eli means 'ascension', a whole lot cooler than whatever failed meaning came with my real name. still hebrew, and still senseless, but i feel a lot better about it. as for daniel, i pretty much ignored it, never bothered to look up what it meant. ackerman, though, i can explain that. well, according to my bitter old grandfather, anyways. he always told me it meant 'ungrateful dog,' and i would really be offended, but i'm such a dog person.

i suppose i can start out with a little life story. i, elijah daniel ackerman, am a city boy born and raised in south detroit. and had i found the midnight train going anywhere i probably would have taken it, but. y'know. like i said, i'm the second elijah ackerman. my dad is the first. i've never met him. i've only seen him in pictures, when he was my age. but nowadays he's about thirty seven, thirty eight. he's a big businessman of some sort living in ohio. as for my mom, she's named shannon wells-barkham. as much as i wish there was no hyphenated last name, there is. she's eighteen years older than me, which means she could be my sister. but she's not. she's definately a mom. a great mom for the most part. yeah, she remarried an asshole who moved us across the planet, but everyone has a lapse in judgement for the most part. she's an accountant right now, but i get a feeling she doesn't like that job very much. she won't show it, but she's the one who taught me how to go through life showing only the emotions i really want people to see. maybe it's because we were living on our own for so long, i think i've developed a sort of intuition that lets me know what she's really up to. we've always been close like that. thanks to the circumstances of my birth, i am an only child. i wish i had siblings. specifically, i wish i had a little sister. in all those movies, there's always an older brother who tends to the younger sister. i always wished it was me. but i guess i'll settle for the next best thing: a dog. he's a border collie named duncan, and he means business.

what do i like? well, i can, will, and have drooled over a car before, and often put myself into dangerous situations to do so. examples include walking across a busy street in a trance-like-state, walking into poles, spontaneously turning away from a now-ex girlfriend's "serious" conversation... because i love cars. it takes me forever to walk through a parking lot, because i'm always stopping to admire a paint job or something. however, should the car i'm driving break down somewhere, i couldn't do shit to fix it. i can drive cars like nobody's business, i'm friends with the pedals, but the engine is a mere acquaintance. but i like driving fast cars, which may make me seem like a cool guy. i hate to destroy that image of myself, but... i'm a comic book nerd. two crates full of them hidden in my closet for those fateful days where i remained bored. while packing for my journey to a new town, these two crates were the first things in the trunk of my car. i like the sun, and warm weather, and the season of summer, but you can count on me spending at least a little bit of the day inside reading through some of the old comic books. this is kind of contradictory to my number one passion in life: running. i run at least ten miles every day. why, you ask? allow me to explain. there are very few things in this world that 1. i am totally awesome at, and 2. i'm awesome enough to brag about. running is one of these things, if not the only thing, that fits in both categories. can you run a mile in four minutes and twenty three seconds? funny, cause i can. that's what my feet are usually doing, but i'm also a bit of a dancer. not ballet or anything like that, the fast-paced stuff, like salsa dancing. i don't mind ballet, though, watching it, i mean. it makes a good photo if you catch it at the right moment. that's what was second in my car; my camera. i worked hours slaving away at the local coffee shop to pay for it. top of the line, hummingbird quick shutter speed, it's probably my only hobby. however, i connect it to other things. such as flirting. i see a cute girl, grab my camera, tell her she'd look great on film, take a picture of her, and say she looks fantastic, but she's even more stunning in person. okay, i've used that line more than once, i'm a bit of a flirt. but, hey, it can be a useful skill to have sometimes. a fun skill, too. of course, one of the only reasons i frequently get to practice this skill is duncan. sadly enough, duncan, my trusty border collie, was third into my car. i love dogs, and from what i can tell, they love me. they're kind of idiotic animals, yes, but they've got the best sense of gut-feeling out of any creature i've ever seen, and i can really respect that. right after duncan was my collection of cds/records. i have nothing to play them with, but so long as i still have them, i'm content. music is probably my second passion in life. i haven't been gifted with the ability to make music, so i settle for listening to it."it" sounds very general, but in this case it's supposed to be general: i'll listen to almost anything. classical puts me to sleep, and country tends to circle around the same thing (significant others, or someone who wants an attractive special someone to be their significant other...), so those are my two exceptions. otherwise, my ears are wide open, i'll hear it all. what else do i like? here's a quick little list: the sky: it's such a huge inspiration, and there's always something to look at. reading: you didn't think i was all about comics, did you? no, i'm heavy into literature. night: the best time of a 24-hour schedule. cigarettes: bad for me? tell me about it. but i promise it's not a habit. fire: i'm a bit of a pyromaniac... making people (especially girls and kids) laugh. trouble: if it doesn't find me i go looking. this is a subconscious habit. except i know about it, and do nothing to stop it. because, frankly, i don't want to.

and the dislikes? bad drivers piss me off more than anything in this entire world. there's a difference between drifting on purpose, me, and doing something irresponsible and dangerous by accident, anyone else who doesn't know what they're doing when they get into the driver's seat. what i do? it's fun, exhilarating, and halfway safe. except when it snows, but i don't really like the snow either. or the entire season of winter, for that matter. too many people stay inside, and it's too quiet. silence, i hate silence, i always feel like i should be the one to say something, and end up filling in with something moronic. for some strange reason, there will forever be an awkward silence when a cat is in the same room as me. i tell that to people, they think i'm crazy, but it happens! and i don't like cats, too independent, too stalkerish. that little trait emerged from when i was a kid, and the neighbor's grungy cats ate a garden snake that had somehow gotten into the building. right in the middle of the lobby, it was repulsive. but then again, i disliked snakes since then, too. the cats would eat a snake, of all things, but they wouldn't go near the mice that always got into the cereal (which i also don't like, cereal, not mice.). that apartment was whack... and because i lived in that apartment building, i've always hated giant houses, and mansions, and generally oversized property. of course, i ended up living in one with dan, but i still strongly disliked it. i refuse to talk about someone behind their back, even if they're the type to talk about me. gossip is a girl thing, and i will not partake in it. and secrets, too. i don't like them, mainly because i can't keep any except my own, which makes me feel selfish, also which i don't like, but now i'm getting generic... i dislike rabbits' ears. i don't know why, and never have, i just don't. seafood makes me sick, especially shrimp, and i randomly have always hated flying fish. i mean, seriously? you can't breathe underwater and fly. you can pick one.

i'm scared of drowning, above all things. god, even the word freaks me out. i don't think i have to explain myself, but... 1. i was never a great swimmer, and 2. imagine this: you're caught, underwater, it's dark, you can't see, you can't breath, and you're fighting for breath, consciousness, and life simaltaniously. spiders creep me out, as they would any sane person. and snakes, ever since the cats and the apartment building and the... yeah... i'm not really scared of the dark, but more what i can't see in it. i guess you could count stickers, because they really do creep me out... or was that too weird to say? god, why do i always say weird stuff...

secrets? well aren't you nosy. i kinda rebooted my whole life with this whole move to a small town thing, so i really don't have many secrets. i suppose i'm keeping my past on the down low, does that count as a secret? i don't know who my dad is, sure, i hate my stepdad, not really a secret but whatever, sometimes i feel the need to sleep in my neighbor's toolshed because of said stepdad, i guess i can share that. not good enough? alright. fine. i, elijah daniel ackerman, have seen the widely-acclaimed 'the notebook.' twice. still not good enough? i loved it both times.

i guess you could say i have a few goals in life. first and foremost: move out of this place, back to detroit. if at all possible, i'd love to be one of the few photographers who makes money. and in all honesty, within fifteen years i'd love to find the love of my life and travel the world together, with every intention of having kids. we'd a nice little family with a picket fence and a dog and all that jazz... but all of this takes place somewhere in a city more known to me. that's where i forsee dreams happening.

quirks are what make us human, as weird as they are. i take stairs two at a time, going up and down. i always take my left shoe off first, and put on the right first. always. when i'm super bored, i find someone to make an observation of, and list off as many synonyms as i can. i also tend to make a mental note of what two people would be a good couple, strangers or not. oh, here's a weird one: i'm terrified of stickers. i won't even wear a nametag that doesn't clip on. if i'm about to write something i have to tap my pen/cil three times. sometimes i do so in a three-beat rhythm even if i'm not writing something. i snap when i walk, tap my foot without music and refuse to drive somewhere without something playing in the background. not to mention any volume level has to be at an odd number when i'm around. but perhaps my most annoying quirk is that i can't have two foods touching while i'm eating. trust me, the list goes on...

umm. i don't know, my favorite beverage is chocolate milk, i like cinnimon flavored gum, i spell it 'theatre' instead of 'theater', i swear too much, i've got a thing for dark hair, and i know more about the film industry than anyone should (film is a cousin to photography, after all). how about this: you want to know about me? come talk to me. if this has proved anything, it's that i'm good at talking.

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quinn, central (us), pm/email